


The Great Vitamin C (and so forth) Concealment Plan of (date undetermined)

by brightblackbird



Category: One Piece
Genre: Bad Jokes, M/M, Pie, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 19:30:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9509087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightblackbird/pseuds/brightblackbird
Summary: Found (partially) in an old notebook and finished up as best I could.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The beginning of this was 7 years old at least. I'd like to say this wasn't quite where I was headed with it back then, but, sadly, that would be a lie.

Yosaku's saying _Johnny, Johnny, Johnny_ in that voice that means things are getting really good, and ordinarily this would be taking up most of Johnny's attention, except at this exact moment he's got his tongue inside Yosaku so he's kind of busy with that. Also the way things worked out Yosaku is on the bed and he’s kneeling on the floor, and he’s got this killer boner that he's trying to deal with, only his hands are busy holding Yosaku still (or trying to), but finally he's got this pretty good rhythm going with his cock rubbing inside his pants against the edge of the bedframe.

And he’s trying to balance that with how his tongue is moving inside Yosaku, and how the bed is rocking a little, and Yosaku is face down moaning into the sheets so his thighs are just resting heavy on top of Johnny's shoulders instead of around his ears like usual, so Johnny's got a lot to deal with, here. So he can't really be talking back like he usually does; all he can manage are these occasional whimpers that don’t come out quite in the dominant manly way he means them to.

He probably couldn't talk anyway with his tongue out of his mouth like this, which he never really realized when this was all still in the planning stages. Yosaku is really, seriously, the best partner anyone could have ever in the whole entire world, but sometimes he's really stupid about things, and one of those things is letting Johnny put stuff inside him. Not that he minds putting stuff in _Johnny_ , like his fingers and his cock and once this thing they'd bought from this guy outside a bar who leered at them a lot (except that turned out to be possessed and they had to burn it because it started _buzzing_ , of all things, right when things really started getting good. Just imagine being the type of guy who'd hand that out to innocent unsuspecting customers).

But this is the first time he's let Johnny put anything in him, and only after Johnny's explained for the millionth time how it feels great, really, and how tongues are pretty small if you think about it and it's not like it hasn't been in his mouth a ton of times and he'll stop if it hurts—really, seriously, promise—and finally Yosaku's come around.

It'd been the tangerine pie that did it, actually. Ever since the whole pirate-battle incident had worn off, the scurvy incident's been looming pretty large on Johnny's mind instead. They might have returned to land for the moment, but time and tide wait for no man no matter where you happen to be watching that tide from, and the science of nutrition doesn't waste any time either. Yosaku insists he eats just fine on his own, but fact of the matter is, he's seriously under-supplied with citrus. Here they are sitting in the middle of the biggest bounty of citrus Johnny's ever seen, and Yosaku thinks a tangerine's too much trouble to peel. It's enough to drive a guy to drink. (And not tangerine juice, either.)

It'd been Nojiko who had first planted the seeds. As the wisest person in the general area, she'd seemed like a good source of advice on the subject of a stupid, stubborn irreplaceable partner who forgot to eat healthy on his own, and it's not going terribly so far but what if it goes bad again and he goes and _dies_ , how's Johnny supposed to get by in civilian life alone, with a house and everything to manage, and also trying to explain those matching tattoos she just did for them that won't make any sense alone at all, and after Johnny was done crying she'd made her suggestion.

Actually, maybe he'd still been crying when she'd done that. But the suggestion had been a good one so he cheered right up and let her provide him with one of those ever-useful ways of getting nutrition into picky children and life partners alike: the decoy. A sweet, fluffy vehicle for that all not-so-sweet citrus Yosaku insisted on denying himself. The perfect plan.

Except, once he'd gotten it home, he'd gotten to pondering Nojiko no aneki's astounding generosity and talent and his actual plans for the pie had started to seem a little disrespectful. Kind of like desecration, actually. What with her making the pie, all innocence, never dreaming of Johnny's nefarious scheme to mask the vitamin C not just with sugar, but a little bit of something else too. (Nothing little about it, actually, truth be told.) Just to make sure.

So he'd been forced to eat the whole pie himself before Yosaku got home, and the next day, after the stomachache went away, he'd set off for Nojiko no aneki's place again, and, after telling him a little snippily to give the pie to a family in need next time instead of eating the whole thing in 10 minutes like a fool, she'd spent several days instructing him in the art of pie construction. (He'd tried explaining that time had been of the essence in getting rid of it, since he wanted Yosaku's first sight of the pie to be _special_ , but she didn't quite seem to follow him. Which is just as well, come to think of it.)

Once he'd mastered this new technique he'd carried the results home in triumph, and after he'd dropped it and cried and then gone back and made a second one he'd lain in wait at home for his partner, who'd been starting to get just a bit tetchy about Johnny's mysterious absences for the past few days, but he'd been pretty sure Yosaku would understand when he saw the results. (Much as it pained his heart to be all sneaky and secretive.)

He remembers the tears in Yosaku's eyes like it was yesterday. (Thinking about it, actually, it had been yesterday.)

"Partner," he'd managed to choke out, and after they'd both finished crying and having a brief discussion of nutritional science, the pie had been summarily desecrated, and after they'd gotten some sleep they'd gotten down to business on this, which, now that he's absolutely sure Yosaku is properly nourished, is even more awesome than he'd always knew it would be.

Yes, knowing that his beloved life partner is full to bursting with vitamin C, and from the sound of things, looking pretty open to future infusions of vitamin D as well, is just about the best feeling Johnny can think of. (Downright life-affirming, actually.)

Now all he needs (and it can wait) is a good excuse for the hole he was forced to drill right in the middle of Nojiko no aneki's pie tin.

**Author's Note:**

> Can you still call it an _American Pie_ situation when America doesn't exist?


End file.
